I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
