You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
