Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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