No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
