Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
we're so committed to being not committed
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
