PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
