I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Randomize
