I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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