So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
