idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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