Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
