They should really pass out barf bags in church
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
