i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
