note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
