Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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