if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
