it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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