They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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