I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize