eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
