I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
