Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
