A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
