I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
