When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
