I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
