I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize