So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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