Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
