I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
