I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
