Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
