I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
