On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize