So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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