two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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