I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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