Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
