you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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