I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
