Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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