i already hear my dad disowning me
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
