So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
