my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize