Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
