He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
