I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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