Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
