I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
