im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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