I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
