Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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