I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
