Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
