too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
