Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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