There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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