if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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