Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
