I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
