i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
