i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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