I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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