Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize