@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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