her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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