I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
