is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I love you. Go after that dick
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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