Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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