i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
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