So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
