i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize