Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
