She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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