She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
