Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
