Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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