Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
