So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
