my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
