my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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