Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
