Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
