Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
