at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
