the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
