shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
