We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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