Can Purell be used as lube?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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