If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
