I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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