Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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