it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
