i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
