We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
