I want to walk on stilts...naked
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize