Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
