I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
