WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
