Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
