yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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