He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
