party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
