About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
