shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
