does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
