you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
