Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
