but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
