i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
