this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
