You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
