worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Randomize
