It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
