Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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