I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
