After last night, I could never be a politician.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
