I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
